I-85 collapses!
To be renamed
"Falcons Freeway"
"Spiff 8:55"
We have moved to SpiffStreet.com
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Book of Spiff 8:18
You're retired and in a public restroom
where a sign reads,
"Wash hands before returning to work!"
What do you do?
"Spiff 8:18"
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Book of Spiff 5:57
Have you noticed that companies have made it easier for you to pay your bill and harder to for you to contact customer service?
"Spiff 5:57"
Book of Spiff 10:17
Television Network Newscast:
50% Bad News
5% Good News
45% Opinionated News
100% Worthless
"Spiff 10:17"
Monday, March 27, 2017
The Politician's Heart
Once upon a time a doctor tells his patient, “I’ve got bad news and good news for you.”
“Give me the bad news first,” the patient says.
“You need a heart transplant immediately,” replies the doc.
“What’s the good news?” the patient asks.
The doctor says, “I’ve got two potential donors. One was a 23-year-old vegetarian who won a gold medal in the Olympic marathon. He was run over by a truck while training. The other was a 53-year-old lifelong politician who weighed 230 pounds, smoked four packs of cigarettes and ate a two-pound steak with buttered potatoes every day for 30 years. He was shot by an irate constituent."
“I’ll take the politician's heart,” the patient says.
“Why would you want to do such a thing?” asked the doctor.
The patient replies …
“I want a heart that hasn’t been used.”
“Give me the bad news first,” the patient says.
“You need a heart transplant immediately,” replies the doc.
“What’s the good news?” the patient asks.
The doctor says, “I’ve got two potential donors. One was a 23-year-old vegetarian who won a gold medal in the Olympic marathon. He was run over by a truck while training. The other was a 53-year-old lifelong politician who weighed 230 pounds, smoked four packs of cigarettes and ate a two-pound steak with buttered potatoes every day for 30 years. He was shot by an irate constituent."
“I’ll take the politician's heart,” the patient says.
“Why would you want to do such a thing?” asked the doctor.
The patient replies …
“I want a heart that hasn’t been used.”
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
CumuLOST Media
Sometimes you play little mind games to kill some time. For example, I follow the stock market and noticed that Cumulus Media (the company that changed 106.7 from Atlanta's Greatest Hits to All News, and fired Randy and me) had a closing stock price of 41 cents a share today. I did a little research and some top notch ciphering (after removing my shoes so that I use both my fingers and toes when counting) and came up with this: If you would had invested $10,000 in Cumulus Media on the day they fired us back in late 2011 ... today that stock would be worth ... wait for it ...
$183.04. (That includes a 8-1 reverse stock split)
During that time the DJIA has gone up over 81%. In other words, you would have over $18,000 if you had invested that ten grand in a stock index fund back in late 2011.
Now, I'm not saying the Cumulus Media stock crashed because they fired Randy & Spiff. I imagine the stock price today would be worth even less if they kept us because I would have demanded an incredible salary to stay with such a mismanaged company. Anyway ... I've killed some time and feel happy that I did not invest in Cumulus Media.
$183.04. (That includes a 8-1 reverse stock split)
During that time the DJIA has gone up over 81%. In other words, you would have over $18,000 if you had invested that ten grand in a stock index fund back in late 2011.
Now, I'm not saying the Cumulus Media stock crashed because they fired Randy & Spiff. I imagine the stock price today would be worth even less if they kept us because I would have demanded an incredible salary to stay with such a mismanaged company. Anyway ... I've killed some time and feel happy that I did not invest in Cumulus Media.
Saturday, March 18, 2017
RIP Chuck Berry
RIP Chuck Berry. I will always remember that night in the Georgia Dome (Fox 97 Ultimate Oldies Concert) when you handed me your Guitar cable, looked at me, smiled and said ... "Plug it in!" I popped it into the amp, and then Randy and I introduced you to the crowd and you "duck walked" across the stage like a twenty year old kid! Great music ... great memories. Thanks.
Just let me hear some of that Rock And Roll Music,
Any old way you choose it;
It's got a back beat, you can't lose it,
Any old time you use it.
It's gotta be Rock And Roll Music,
If you want to dance with me,
If you want to dance with me.
If you closely at tonight's sunset ... you may be able to see Chuck streaking towards Heaven in the lower portion of the photo. (Or ... it's a plane.)
Just let me hear some of that Rock And Roll Music,
Any old way you choose it;
It's got a back beat, you can't lose it,
Any old time you use it.
It's gotta be Rock And Roll Music,
If you want to dance with me,
If you want to dance with me.
If you closely at tonight's sunset ... you may be able to see Chuck streaking towards Heaven in the lower portion of the photo. (Or ... it's a plane.)
Friday, March 10, 2017
Insert Twilight Zone music here
I am not a huge believer in the paranormal … but, this morning something interesting happened. Today would have been my late wife Duffy’s birthday. As I was getting something from the bottom cabinet of my office bookshelf, I heard something move and out of the corner of my eye saw an item falling off the top shelf. Luckily, I was able to grab the falling object before it hit the floor. That object just happened to be a small chalkboard in which Duffy (well over 24 years ago) had chalked a hand written message. It once hung by the back door to our home. That little chalkboard had been on that shelf for years and years. Why, today on what would have been Duffy’s birthday, it decided to fall … I have no idea. Moments before I was telling Janet how much I loved her, so perhaps Duffy was just showing me that she was happy with how my life after her turned out.
Or, I just closed the cabinet door too hard and it jarred the chalkboard off the shelf. I think I’ll go with the paranormal explanation. (Insert Twilight Zone theme music in your head now.)
Or, I just closed the cabinet door too hard and it jarred the chalkboard off the shelf. I think I’ll go with the paranormal explanation. (Insert Twilight Zone theme music in your head now.)
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Ash Wednesday
When I was a kid I thought #AshWednesday was when dad burnt the steaks on the #grill. #LongDayAgo #memories
— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) March 1, 2017
Monday, February 27, 2017
Mystery of #AcademyAwards blunder solved! Backstage photo shows Spiff Carner and actor/comedian #JayThomas preparing to Punk the #Oscars pic.twitter.com/sFoeTCYmJW— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) February 28, 2017
Apparently the #Russians #hacked the official accountant of the #Oscars #PricewaterhouseCoopers. Well played, #Putin, #wellplayed.— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) February 27, 2017
Monday, February 20, 2017
Help! I can't get up.
You know you are doing a pretty good job at grand-parenting when:
A---After an overnight stay, your granddaughter cries and doesn't want to leave.
B---The moment she does leave, you both collapse from exhaustion on the floor and regret not having a "First Alert" necklace because you know it will be two to three days before you have the strength to move.
A---After an overnight stay, your granddaughter cries and doesn't want to leave.
B---The moment she does leave, you both collapse from exhaustion on the floor and regret not having a "First Alert" necklace because you know it will be two to three days before you have the strength to move.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Monday Morning Mugshots
Time to take our minds off of politics, facebook rants, fake news, etc.
Introducing Monday Morning Mugshots!
Put up a mugshot from your past, make one, or post a photo of yourself that would make a good mugshot. Have fun ... and see you in lockup!
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Spring Training
To make 43-year-old Bartolo Colón feel a lot younger, the Braves invited 60-something Spiff Carner to Spring Training. Unfortunately I tested positive for Metamucil and will miss the rest of the season.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Babbling Brook
Although I am not certain, I believe that today I stumbled upon that “Babbling Brook” we’ve all heard about so often. As I sat in this quiet serene place, with the soothing sounds of water flowing over the rocks, I listened closely to the brook hoping it would encompass me with its’ age-old wisdom. However, after about five minutes I realized that the brook was just repeating itself over and over again. I walked away … but for some time continued to hear the brook babble on and on as if I really cared about anything it was saying.
Monday, February 6, 2017
Pats 34 Falcons 28
Plan to protest because the #Falcons outplayed the #Pats 3 of 4 quarters. Never mind the rule of "most points win." #NotMySuperBowlChamps— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) February 6, 2017
Friday, February 3, 2017
Thursday, January 26, 2017
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