Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Gift Giving Help For Guys

Mother's Day is almost here. It is always dangerous buying gifts for your loved one. Don't make the mistake this guy did. (From "The Best of Randy & Spiff")

Monday, April 28, 2008

Presidential Poll Results

Who would you like to see as our next President?

4% Clinton
11% Obama
33% McCain
52% Please, give me another choice.

Looks like we're pretty happy with our choices ... or not!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

True Oldies 106.7 Website

True Oldies 106.7 finally has a working website. (Click the banner above to check it out.) I looked it over and did not see my name mentioned anywhere so I guess I am not currently working for them. Darn the luck. Anyway ... the music selection is fantastic in my opinion. Just wish I could get my foot in the door. Actually, any part of me in the door would be just fine at this point. I'll keep you posted on my feeble efforts to get back on the airwaves in Atlanta.

Support & Remember our Troops

You stay up for 16 hours …
They stay up for days on end.

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.
They go days or weeks without running water.

You complain of a 'headache', and call in sick.
They get shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.

You put on your anti war shirt, and go meet up with your friends.
They still fight for your right to wear that shirt.

You make sure that your cell phone is in your pocket.
They clutch the cross hanging on the chain next to their dog tags.

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls/boys.
They patrol the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.

You complain about how hot it is.
They wear their heavy gear, not daring to take off their helmet to wipe their brow.

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.
They don’t get to eat today.

You're angry because your meeting ran 5 minutes over.
They are told that they will be held over an extra 2 months.

You call your girlfriend/boyfriend and set a date for tonight.
They wait for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.
They see the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remember why they’re fighting.

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.
They do exactly what they are told even if it puts their life in danger.

You stay at home and watch TV.
They take whatever time they are given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.
They try to sleep but get woken by mortars and helicopters all night long.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Presidential Election

What do other countries think about our Presidential election? From a Danish newspaper: 'We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election. On one side, you have a lawyer who is married to a lawyer ... and a lawyer who is married to a lawyer. On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a blond with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship. Is there a contest here?'
(Thanks to Bill Naivar)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Alton ... The Runway Model

From "The Best of Randy & Spiff". There has been many callers to our little radio show. One of the more colorful was ... Alton!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Strike or Spare?

Which will I be able to do first? Learn this bowling trick or find a job?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Heads I win, Tails you lose ...

Janet got this quarter as change last week. She says that it is hard to find things older than me. I laughed til I needed my oxygen tank replenished. Anyway ... I would love to know where this quarter has been and what it has seen. I've been informed (by a friend of mine known as "Pops") that coins last about 30 years in circulation. And all the silver coins quickly started disappearing shortly after they were replaced with the Johnson funny money in 1964. That makes this find very unusual. I hope it brings me good luck.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Mike the Headless Chicken

True story? You betcha!!! (From "The Best of Randy & Spiff ... Pandamonium")

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Story Time: "Married Life"

Once upon a time three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, chatted about their relationships, and decided that they wanted to amaze their men. So that night all three would wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and a mask over their eyes. After a few days the women met again. The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4'' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.' The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We were all over each other all night.' The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV remote and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?'

(Thanks to Judy Cullen)

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Atheist Email

Who did Spiff upset this time? It appears to be an atheist.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Ed the Mechanic ... "The Blind Date"

Bill Hoger has been gone for several years now. We still miss him greatly. The laughs he brought us though still live on. Here is Ed the Mechanic talking to Randy & Spiff about ... "The Blind Date."

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Pollen Puddle

Finally … Rain! It sure helped with the pollen. But now everywhere you look … Yellow River!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Story Time Boys & Girls! "The Tough Texan"

Once upon a time a Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'Once, on a trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker, smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.' I yelled,'Now back off!! Or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Just a couple of minutes ago...'

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Reason #1067 Why NOT To Drink

It's Pollen Time

03-28-07 "Pollen Paw"
Originally uploaded by Spiff Happens
You can feel it ... you can SEE it! Pollen has arrived with a vengeance. Heck, my dog Brady even has yellow feet this time of year.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Tax Time!

The Tax deadline is quickly approaching. I imagine that you have already filed if you have moola coming back to you. Chances are you'll be waiting til the last moment to file if you owe the government this year. You may want to try what I'm doing. It's called the Alternative Tax Payment Plan (ATPP). It is very easy to do. Fill out all of your forms as usual and then attach a letter like I did instead of a payment. Here is my letter:

Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached newspaper article and you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600 for a toilet seat. Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429. Please note the overpayment of $22 and apply it to the Presidential Election Fund, as noted on my return.
Might I suggest you send the above-mentioned fund a 1.5-inch screw? (See attached article: HUD paid $22 for a 1.5 inch Phillips head screw.) It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Good luck and happy filing!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Bit From The Past!!!

Spiff was in the Air Force. That is scary. What is even more scary is that Spiff had a loaded gun!! (Audio no longer available.)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Michael Vick Playing Football In The Big House

Did you see where former Falcon quarterback Michael Vick is playing football in prison? (AJC article) Between washing pots and pans at 12 cents an hour, Michael has been playing quarterback for the prison football team. (Better than playing tight-end on a prison team if you know what I mean.) Good luck Mike.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Poll Results: "How Will The Braves Do This Year?"

The results are in and almost half of you (49%) think that the Braves will be at home watching the playoffs on TV this fall. 19% think we'll be the Wild Card team ... 11% believe we will win the NL East ... 13% see the Braves in the World Series ... and 8% have us as the World Champs! (Thanks for voting Skip and Chip.) At this moment we are tied for first in the East with Florida. Just swept the scum-sucking Mets in a rain-shortened two game series. All we have to do now is hang on for a mere 156 more games. Don't know about you, but I'm making my playoff plans now.

Are You A Grown Up?

*The top five ways to tell that you are grown up:

5--You go from 130 days of vacation to 14.

4--Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of just the beginning of one.

3--You hear your favorite song ... in an elevator.

2--Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up".

1--You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

*Sent to me by a grown up friend.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Hillary Balboa???

Did you see this story? (Click here for complete article) Apparently Hillary Clinton now sees herself as Rocky Balboa. Addressing a meeting of the Pennsylvania AFL-CIO Tuesday, the former first lady and New York senator said, "Let me tell you something, when it comes to finishing a fight, Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit. I never give up. And neither do the American people." It's good to know that she is a fighter. Now, if she only had a movie poster to go with her speech ....