My Air Force Vacation (1971-1974)

The United States Air Force Security Service (often abbreviated USAFSS) was essentially the United States Air Force's cryptographic intelligence/Signals Intelligence (SIGINT) branch; its motto was Freedom through Vigilance. It was created in October 1948 and operated until 1979, when the branch was re-designated the Electronic Security Command.

Composed primarily of airmen selected from the cream of the Air Force's enlisted recruits (the top 1/2 of 1 percent), the USAFSS was a secretive and tight-knit branch of Air Force cold warriors tasked with monitoring, collecting and interpreting military voice and electronic signals of countries of interest (which often were Soviet and their satellite Eastern bloc countries). USAFSS intelligence was often analyzed in the field, and the results transmitted to the National Security Agency for further analysis and distribution to other intelligence recipients.

Individual airmen, stationed at locations scattered across the globe, did a variety of jobs, almost all of them related to listening to and interpreting Eastern Bloc, Communist Chinese, and North Vietnamese military communications. Some airmen were linguists who listened to voice communications. Others - known as Morse intercept operators, or "ditty-boppers" - monitored Soviet and other nations' military Morse code broadcasts. Others (that would be me), such as non-Morse intercept operators, were engaged in monitoring other types of radio signals such as single and multi-channel radio printer signals and facsimile transmissions. All communications were reviewed and interpreted by analysts. 

These jobs, which required top secret code word clearance, were extremely high pressure and were considered essential to U.S. Cold War efforts. Members of the USAFSS were not allowed to discuss their jobs with outsiders—in fact, USAFSS members could not talk amongst themselves about their jobs unless they were in a secure location. Because of their value as targets (in Cold War Berlin, the capture of a USAFSS member was worth several thousand dollars), their off-base travel was severely restricted.

The activities of the USAFSS were declassified in 1997.

(Excerpts taken from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Air_Force_Security_Service)

I miss you mom

One year ago today we gathered around my mom in the hospital to celebrate her birthday. A few days later we gathered at the church to celebrate her life. I love you mom and miss you so much.

Debate Update

I’m turning off the #debate. Mom told me not to watch anything scary on #TV before bedtime because I would have #nightmares. #debatenight

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 27, 2016

Debate Update

I’ve decided to record the #debates and #BingeWatch them … when I’m 97 years old and senile. #debatenight

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 27, 2016

Debate Update

Official Review on #MondayNightFootball. If they had that during the #debate, #LesterHolt would have time for just 2 questions. #debatenight

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 27, 2016

Debate Update

#DonaldTrump is sniffing a LOT. I think #HillaryClinton may have given him a case of #pneumonia. #debatenight

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 27, 2016

Debate Update

Is it just me, or is this #debate absolutely #deplorable? #debatenight

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 27, 2016

Debate update

34% of voters think the #debates will impact their vote. The rest think the debates will impact their #TV viewing habits. #debatenight

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 27, 2016

Lucifer and the Debate

Just great! They preempted #Lucifer tonight. Oh wait, there’ll be #HillaryClinton and #DonaldTrump . That’ll be scarier. #debatenight

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 26, 2016

Blitz!

Who would you like to see get #sacked the most Monday night: #DrewBrees #MattRyan @realDonaldTrump or @HillaryClinton ? #Debates2016 #NFL

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 23, 2016

Are you ready for some football?

Janet asked me if I was going to sit on my butt all day long in front of the TV and watch professional football. I said, "Absolutely not! I'm going to watch the Falcons."

Never Forget

9-11 Field of Flags, Kennesaw Mountain National Battlefield Park.

You haven't aged one bit!

When you run into an old friend who you have not seen in ten years and they say to you, "You haven't aged a bit" ... it can mean only one of two things:
1--Your friend's eyesight is not what it once was ... or ...
2--You looked old ten years ago.

Star Trek 50th Anniversary

On this #StarTrek50 anniversary, may we remember all of the red-uniformed security officers who only lasted one episode. #RIP #lousyjob

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) September 8, 2016

Time Capsule

Time Capsule? I first hopped into this 2002 Trailblazer in the fall of 2001 at Tom Jumper Chevrolet. 15 years, 208,000 miles, family vacations, college visits, weddings, funerals, five radio stations, ballgames, concerts, recitals and oh, so much more. Thanks "Lucy" for keeping our family safe as we traveled through time together. What do you say we keep it up a while longer?

RIP Gene Wilder

#RIP #GeneWilder (Now, if only #Hilllary and #Donald would follow Gene's advice, we could have some peace and quiet) pic.twitter.com/uG2ZGsjRxQ

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) August 29, 2016

An Angel Named Andrew

            “You know how much I love animals.  Especially dogs. But how about waiting ‘til we get out of this apartment into a home with a big back yard?”  It was my last ditch attempt to convince my wife Duffy that this was not a good time for a pet. 

            She smiled, handed me the car keys and said, “They’re expecting us to pick him up in 30 minutes.”  Two hours later an angel moved into our apartment.

            Let me back up just a bit.  The year was 1987.  My partner Randy and I were morning DJ’s at a radio station in Charlotte, North Carolina.  Charlotte, a growing metropolis, had just been awarded a NBA franchise.  Professional basketball was coming to the Carolinas!  The team didn’t even have a nickname yet.  So naturally one morning we decided to name them.  We came up with “The Fighting Corgis.”

            A corgi is a dog that originated in Wales and it has a long body, short legs, and a fox-like head with huge ears.  There are two breeds of Welsh Corgis.  The Cardigan, which has a long tail, … and the Pembroke that has no tail at all.  Randy & I decided on the Pembroke because, well, it looked funnier. 

            After just a few days of campaigning for the nickname “The Fighting Corgis” we were inundated with irate phone calls from Corgi breeders.  They were very upset that we had the gall to call their sweet pets “Fighting” dogs.  We were invited to a local dog show to meet with the breeders and their beloved dogs.  That’s the first day I met “Andrew.” 

            Andrew was a tri-color Pembroke Corgi.  Six months old and ready to take on the world.  Duffy fell in love with him immediately and after two days of useless arguing we had a new roommate. 

            The first night home I put Andrew on a leash and took him outside for a short walk where he quickly decided that my foot looked like a fireplug.  I grabbed him by his collar, lifted him to my face and snarled, “That’s strike one!”

            Two days later I walked into the apartment and there, standing over what was left of my large photo album, was Andrew with what appeared to be a picture of me tightly between his jaws.  I lurched forward, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and whispered through my clenched teeth, “That’s strike two!” 

            I would never make it to strike three.  Andrew quickly won over my heart.  He had Duffy’s heart from day one.  The three of us became inseparable.  We took long walks.  We played with tennis balls until they no longer looked like balls at all. And we would fall asleep together exhausted from our daily adventures.

            We moved from the apartment to that home with a big fenced-in back yard.  Andrew loved it.  Duffy would plant flowers, Andrew would rearrange them, and I would laugh.  Little did I realize it at the time, but a new challenge and a life-changing event was just around the corner. 

            In December of 1988 Randy and I were fired in Charlotte but quickly found a new morning radio job in Atlanta, Georgia.  Things could not have been better.  Then in late 1991 Duffy caught what we thought was bad case of the flu.  Her cough just wouldn’t let up.  Early in 1992 Duffy was diagnosed with lung cancer.  Andrew never left her side.  Duffy died in my arms on January 22, 1993.  

I was lost.  So was Andrew.  He would put his head on the windowsill and gaze down the driveway waiting for Duffy to come home.  I would often lie next to him hoping for the same thing.   When I started to cry Andrew would immediately cuddle up next to me and put his chin directly on my cheek to dry the tears.  He would then gently press down with his chin as if to say, “It’s going to be ok.”  We repeated this ritual time and time again.  Andrew became my shadow and together we began our recovery. 

            I gradually re-entered the real world and began to date again.  Andrew was always friendly with my dates but took no particular interest until he met Janet.  Janet was a single mom with two fantastic and wonderful daughters, Lauren and Meredith.  Beautiful, talented, intelligent and caring … Janet healed my heartache and I fell in love.  Andrew too was in love with Janet and the kids.  We were married on May 18, 1996. 

            The years flew by … the girls were growing up … Andrew was an old man.  He had back surgery in June of 1999.  Then one year later he began to have problems eating.  He couldn’t keep food down.  His back legs were almost useless.  And finally he would not eat at all.  I had a tough decision to make. 

            Janet and I talked … I prayed … and on Friday night July 21, 2000 I decided it was time to let Andrew go. 

            I snuggled up next to him that last night and began to cry.  He looked up and slowly put his chin and my cheek and gently pressed down … “It’s going to be ok.”

            Saturday afternoon at the Veterinarian Clinic I held Andrew tightly.  I thought of everything that he had done for Duffy, Janet, Lauren, Meredith and me.  I don’t know if I would have made it without him.  He was indeed an angel.  The needle pierced Andrews’s front leg.  I held his face close to mine.  Our eyes met.  I put my chin on his nose and gently pressed down.  He closed his eyes.  “It’s going to be ok.”

Reconnect

I had excuses. OK, I was lazy. For whatever reasons I had not hiked Kennesaw Mountain Battlefield Park in several weeks. But today … we reconnected. The beauty, the sounds of nature, the solitude … it was all waiting for me. Like old friends, we picked up right where we left off. I walked, my mind wandered, a smile encompassed my face, I counted my blessings. The beautiful park once again embraced me.

 “It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.” -- Henry David Thoreau

Tall Tales

I am really looking forward to the #BrianWilliams #RyanLochte interview. #talltales

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) August 18, 2016

Forrest is hungry!

Thrifty

I now have In-DirectTV. I use binoculars to watch my neighbor's television. I only lose the signal when they close the shades. #directtv #TV

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) August 16, 2016

Battery free calculator!

It's the back to school sales tax holiday in Georgia! I scored this handheld calculator that doesn't need a battery!


NOTE: I like to go to Starbucks, sit down between two people using their laptops, start playing with my slide rule while furiously scribbling down numbers and math formulas on a yellow legal pad using my mechanical pencil. Then I will suddenly stop, grab my cell phone, call home and shout ... "It's 7.69915! The asteroid will strike earth exactly 32 and a half miles northwest of Chattanooga, TN!

SlugBug

I’ve been experimenting with this for months and finally have a working model. I “MacGyvered” my Fitbit into a SlugBug. I now accumulate points while sitting at the computer, laying on the couch or just being a sloth. At the end of the day the readout on my SlugBug shows me what movies I could have watched while being a couch potato. For example, yesterday I was inactive long enough to have seen “Pearl Harbor” (3 hours 3 minutes), “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” (2 hours 59 minutes) and 3 episodes of “Modern Family.” At the end of the week (if I accumulate enough laziness points) I get a free Netflix movie. I will let you know when I get out of the Beta-Testing stage. SlugBugs will only be sold online and delivered to your front door, because who would ever want to get their fat butt off the couch to drive somewhere to pick one up? Look for me soon on “Shark Tank.”

Game of Thrones

If you want to see a real #GameofThrones ... put 3 people prepping for a #colonoscopy in an apartment with only 2 toilets. #LetTheFunBegin

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) June 27, 2016

Brexit?

I had a bad case of #Brexit in college. Itched like heck and took almost a month for the rash to completely disappear. #EU #GreatBritain

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) June 24, 2016

The Mark of Mogill

I first saw the news on Facebook. One of my former teachers had passed away. Not just a teacher … my favorite teacher ever. Mr. Mogill was my Physics teacher in high school. I was in his class for just one year. But, what a year it was! I can still see him pacing back and forth in front of the classroom wearing a white shirt, sleeves partially rolled up, with his hands shoved deep into the chalk stained pockets of his black dress pants. Intelligence, humor and kindness were the tools he used to teach a classroom full of teenage know-it-alls. And teach us he did. Not only about physics, but about life. Mr. Mogill respected each of us and expected that we respect him in return. He also demanded 100% of our attention when he was in the midst of an important teaching moment. My most vivid memories happened at this time. With his back to the class while furiously writing on the chalkboard, Mr. Mogill’s superpowers awakened. His all-seeing eyes in the back of his head would focus directly on the student paying the least attention to his lesson. Then, with a ninja-like quickness, Mr. Mogill would suddenly pivot, and what I can only describe as “High Noon” meets “The Matrix” … he would quick-draw a chalkboard erasure from his pocket and project it toward the hapless kid who was giving him “no respect.” SMACK-PUFF! Chalk dust filled the air and for one shocked student, the “Mark of Mogill” could be seen as a rectangular white powder outline dead center on their chest. How Mr. Mogill never missed the intended target and how others in the class were not victims of “friendly fire” is a physics lesson in itself. I remember thinking to myself, “how could this old teacher be so quick and agile?” Of course, I now realize that Mr. Mogill was only 29 years old when I was his student. He was just 12 years older than me at the time. I am sorry that I never made the time to personally thank Mr. Mogill for that magical year and for the life lessons he taught me. But, I can proudly say that, on more than one occasion, I went home with that chalk erasure outline on the front of my chest. More importantly, the true “Mark of Mogill” has been and will always be with me. Rest in Peace Mr. Mogill.

Alexis Timothy Mogill, January 24 1939 - June 4, 2016

We have met the enemy, and they are us.

I have been watching the news, listening to the news, reading the news and following social media. I am saddened by how Americans are treating each other. There is a huge divide in the country and I believe that more people know the meaning of the word “twerking” than the meaning of the word “compromise.” Unity is out … “my way or the highway” is in. Let’s forgive our enemies, but not our neighbors, seems to be the “in thing” to do. I am right … you’re an idiot. My facts are 100% undeniable … your facts are nothing more than lies. In my opinion our political leaders and the media shoulders much of the blame. The nation’s capital appears to be a large daycare center filled with spoiled children that do not or cannot get along with each other. The media gives me the impression that with almost every news story they must add their own commentary and/or slanted view because they believe that the average citizen is not smart enough to form their own opinion. A line has been drawn in the sand and heaven forbid either side should approach that line and offer to have an intelligent discussion about the problems facing this country. I imagine that our enemies in this world are gleefully watching us destroy ourselves from within and thinking to themselves … “I guess it is true, ‘Divide and Conquer’ does work.”

The Screen Door

It’s sunny … it’s hot … I’m sweating … I’m thirsty. I close my eyes, I feel the warm breeze, I hear the squeak of the screen door opening and the snap of it slamming shut. I smile as I remember my grandma coming to my rescue with a large, refreshing glass of ice-cold lemonade. I touch the icy glass to my forehead, my smile widens, and that first gulp of lemonade sends shivers through my body. I open my eyes, no grandma in site, no lemonade to be found. So … I pop open a beer.

Hey Forrest!

I think whatever #candidates spend on their #Campaigns , they should match that amount to help reduce the federal deficit. #Elections2016

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) June 8, 2016

Politics make me sick

Memorial Day 2016 - Marietta Nationa Cemetery

Deer Path Etiquette

For those who do not hike the trails of Kennesaw Mountain Battlefield Park, let me enlighten you on what happens when you find a deer blocking the path ahead of you. Few people realize that the park deer have learned “path etiquette” over the years. Today, for example, this beautiful doe was directly on the path in front of me. You will notice that she dips her head four times and then shows me the way to hike by prancing down the path with her tail high in the air. This is much appreciated by a tired, old hiker such as myself. However, I must warn you … if the deer dips her head only three times and then trots away without lifting her tail, DO NOT follow her. It is the oldest trick in the book. Just around the bend three or four no-good-nick bucks are waiting to mug you … drink your water … eat your power bars … and take your credit cards in hoping to steal your identity under the name of John Doe. This has been your Walk in the Woods lesson for the day.

Forrest ... the Corgi Comic!

It's an age thing.

#Medicare age: That moment when you realize you're too old to be a #SugarDaddy, and have to settle on being a #Splenda Pappy. #oldage #sad

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) April 27, 2016

The Door Knob

Has this happened to you? It has happened to me. And let me tell you, it’s a frightening situation. I don’t know what the odds are of this happening, but I have beaten those odds on more than one occasion. It seems that the belt loops on my pants are the exact same height as those fancy door knobs with the curly-cue end. This morning I was searching for something in a hall closet, found it, turned away … and suddenly I was hooked!

I started jumping, twisting and bending like a 165-pound Marlin being reeled in!  But to no avail. I was weakening fast. My belt loop was helplessly wedged on that knob tighter than spandex on a 350-pound sumo wrestler. It seemed that my only recourse was to somehow get out of my pants while they were still attached to the door from hell. To make matters worse, the closet door and the devilish door knob that now owned me were next to our cut glass front door. My mind raced as I squirmed to get out of my pants while hoping that the UPS man would not be making a delivery at that very moment. Or, gosh forbid, Girl Scouts selling cookies! Finally, one leg free. I squirmed, grunted and with a great amount of luck finally freed myself from what would have been a certain defining moment in my life if Janet had arrived home moments earlier. I collapsed on the floor, totally exhausted. There, glaring down at me were my pants, dangling loosely from that “freaking” door knob. And then it hit me. This is exactly why I need a first alert necklace. “Hello, operator? I’m hooked on a door knob and I can’t escape!”

Forrest, the Corgi Comic!

Forrest ... the Corgi Comic!

Brave Opening Day 2016!

Captain America

In fear of offending anyone who dislikes the #USA, #CaptainAmerica will be changing his name to "Captain #PoliticalCorrectness" on Friday.

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) March 31, 2016

Forrest, the Corgi Comic!

Non-Silent Tribute

As I walk past the headstones at Marietta National Cemetery I often read the engraved names out loud. Most of these brave men and women have not had their names spoken in countless years. It is simply my non-silent way of thanking these heroes for the freedom I have enjoyed my entire life.

Forrest, the Corgi Comic

Johnny Football

#JohnnyManziel has been released by the #Browns. Hope this doesn't drive him to drink. #JohnnyFootball #NFL #football #blewit

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) March 11, 2016

Sharknado

You know what is more terrifying than #Sharknado4? #PresidentialCandidates 16. #scary #politicians #Democrats #GOP #movies

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) March 9, 2016

Blue Man Group

If you are #fired from the #BlueManGroup, do they give you a pink slip?

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) March 7, 2016

Forrest, the Corgi Comic!

Something smells?

Something interesting today when I #voted. Poll workers handed out red or blue #clothespins to put on your nose when you voted. #Primary

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) February 25, 2016

Forrest, the Corgi Comic

Stay in Vegas

Don't you wish that all the politicians (#Democrats and #Republicans) who visited #LasVegas in the past month, would have STAYED in Vegas?

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) February 24, 2016

Nevada Caucus

Final results of #Nevadacaucus may be delayed as "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." #gopcaucus #gop #lasvegas #politics

— Spiff Carner (@spiffhappens) February 24, 2016

Forrest, the joke telling Corgi

Fire in Hole!

We are at DEFCON 2! Colonoscopy prep has commenced. I am locking myself in the bunker in 3 ... 2 ...

Forrest, the joke telling Corgi

Supreme Court

I would like to throw my hat into the ring to be the next Supreme Court Justice. Why?

A) I have never been a lawyer which means I wouldn’t use that darn legalese. Everyone should be able to easily understand my decisions.

B) I personally distrust all politicians and could care less whether they’re a Democrat, Republican, or Independent. No voting down party lines for me.

C) I have stayed overnight on several occasions at a Holiday Inn Express.

D) I am already wearing a robe most of the day around the house and on occasion in public, so the transaction to the high court would be very easy for me.

Forrest, the joke telling Corgi

The following message has not been approved by anyone.

I recorded the Democratic debate a couple of nights ago. I plan to watch the GOP debate live tonight while simultaneously replaying the Democrats contest screen in screen. I will mute the TV volume while blasting Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” during the debates. I have also relocated to Colorado for the night so that I will not be arrested for doing anything illegal while viewing the debates. By tomorrow morning I should know beyond the shadow of a doubt who I will vote for in the election. Or, I’ll be at Taco Bell eating several Breakfast Crunchwraps.

Disclaimer: Reference to any specific political party does not constitute my endorsement or disapproval of said group. Any views or opinions presented in this post are solely those of the author and a feeble attempt at making at least one person laugh. The author will not accept any personal attacks, name-calling, or such in the comments section of this post. Such comments will be deleted. If you are offended by this post, please get a life. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. This post is meant for humorous purposes only. This information is subject to change without notice. All rights reserved.

Whatever happened to Randy and Spiff?

Thanks to Rodney Ho and the AJC, you now know.  All you have to do is CLICK HERE.

The Revenant

I saw “The Revenant” last night starring Leonardo DiCaprio. A few quick observations on my part. This movie was intense, gory, beautifully filmed and well-acted. It reminded me of “Jeremiah Johnson” but with some scenes as graphically violent as parts of “Gangs of New York.” Definitely not a movie for the squeamish. The grizzly bear attack alone will keep my head swiveling every time I walk on nature trails for the rest of my life. And this final note: If you are planning for a dinner and a movie night and go to “Ted’s Montana Grill” for a bison burger, do yourself a favor and get your bison “well done.” You’ll thank me after seeing “The Revenant.”