Tuesday, April 1, 2014

How to handle a phone scammer

So, I get a phone call from this dude who says he is a Microsoft technician from California. (Who oddly enough sounded like he was really in Mumbai) Anyway, I have heard about these scammer types so I immediately go into my best southern Georgia, “Honey Boo-Boo” accent … 
“H’lo whatcha want?”
“Sir, do you have Windows?” 
“Not since the tornado,” I sez. “Heck, I’m lucky to have a door to my trailer. Had to board everything up.” 
“Do you have the desktop?”
“Nope, I do all my paperwork on the kitchen table, just like everyone else in the trailer park.” 
“Do you have the laptop?”
“I’m tellin’ you this in confidence my friend. I have been known, on payday, to visit the Pink Pony for a quick lap dance. But I will deny that if you tell anyone.” 
“How then do you get your email?” 
“I don’t know what this email thing is … but, when I want THE mail, I walk down to the end of the drive and take it out of my mailbox. That was, I did before that dang tornado blew my mailbox all the way to India!” 
“You do not have any computer devices in your home?” 
“I am lucky to have electricity at all! Heck, they just turned the power back on an hour ago. And I’m told it will be a week before I have phone service.”
(Long pause) “I will call you back when your phone service is restored. Goodbye” 
“Hey, wait a minute fella. Before you hang up, do me a favor and look out your window. Can you see my dang mailbox? You have windows don’tcha!!!”