Me & My Shadow

 

I Can't Tell You

 

Once upon a time, a young man in Illinois won the lottery.  The Vietnam Draft Lottery.  Number 31 to be exact.  Luckily for this fella, he excelled in science and mathematics while in high school and maxed out on the written tests given him at the induction center.  He tested so well that the United States Air Force offered him a job as a “Radio Communications Analyst Specialist.”  When he inquired about what that job entailed, his Sergeant just said, “I have no idea.  It is top secret.”  And so, off our youthful Airman went on his “Top Secret” adventure.  First, he spent a year on a tiny 2-mile by 4-mile piece of rock, nestled between the Pacific Ocean and Bering Sea, in the Aleutian Islands … Shemya, Alaska.  This tiny speck of tundra was 15-hundred miles from Anchorage and 200 miles from Russia.  Wonder what he did there?  Can’t tell you.  It’s top secret. Then it was on to Iraklion Air Station on Crete, Greece for the next 18 months.  An Air Force station so small, it didn’t even have a runway.  Besides enjoying the beauty of Greece and the Mediterranean, wonder what he did there?  Can’t tell you. It’s top secret.  And finally, on Independence Day in 1974 our Air Force Sergeant (how he was promoted, we will never know) was discharged from the military.  When he asked the Captain during his exit interview what he should tell future employers about his Air Force job, the Captain replied, “tell them you were a clerk typist.”  So, that’s the story the young man was told to tell by his superiors, and he is sticking to it.  Oh yeah, one more thing.  The Captain at the exit interview must have known something, because a month or two after leaving the Air Force, the then college student was notified by the NSA and CIA that he should apply for a job with them.  Who knew that there would be a shortage of “clerk typist” at that time?  Apparently, that Captain did.  However, the college freshman passed on the generous offers from the NSA and CIA and proceeded to graduate with a BS degree.  And he lived happily ever after BS-ing his way to limited fame and even more limited fortune.

Spiff Carner

Sergeant

USAF February 1971 – July 1974