1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba - Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
(Thanks to Tom)