Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Butt Dial

To hold my Butt Dialing to a minimum, I keep my phone in my front pocket. However, when I accidentally dial my wife, she tells me when I get home ... "your little buddy called me today." I think I'll start putting my phone in my back pocket again.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Lawn Chair Humanity

I remember, as a youth, my dad and mom sitting on those cheap, folding lawn chairs out in front of our opened garage. They were not alone. Neighbors all along the street were doing the same thing. Riding my bike down the street, I would get the friendly wave … a cheerful greeting … or the occasional “how about those Bulldogs?” (Our high school mascot was a Bulldog.) I could also keep tab on the Cubs as day baseball was in style and living in Illinois, Cub fans had their transistor radios tuned to WGN while sitting out on their driveways.

Today, it appears to me, that many people have disconnected from humanity by connecting to the internet. You can often find them, not sitting in the front of the house making face-to-face human contact, but “out back” on their deck or patio keeping tabs on their kids via text messages … annoying their Facebook friends with political rants … or anonymously using social media to “stir up the pot” on political, sports and social issues. I can’t remember ever overhearing my folks talk about not being friends with someone just because they were a democrat or republican. Dan, that rabid republican next door sure was nice for bringing over some of his delicious garden-grown tomatoes for no reason at all. And widow Brown, that die-hard democrat, sure was generous with those mouthwatering apple pies she so often shared. My dad was just as generous. He often sent me to Mrs. Brown’s house to mow her tiny lawn for her … just because it was the right thing to do.

I’m sure that I’m looking at the past through rose-colored glasses … but it does seem to me like people were less confrontational back in the day.

For my part, I’m off to “the Walmart” to get a cheap, yet colorful aluminum lawn chair. I’ll park myself out in front of the garage, leaving my smart phone inside the house. I’ll wave at the passersby’s … talk to the kids on their bikes … and on occasion shout out, “how about those Dawgs!” If I have not received a cease and desist email from my HOA in a week or so, I will pat myself on my back for reintroducing a teeny bit of humanity to the neighborhood.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Book of Spiff 7:55

When I find something I lost, I continue the search so that I can say, "I found it the second to last place I looked." 

Spiff 7:55

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Book of Spiff 3:41

Been using voice recognition texting. 
It's nothing to write home about.

Spiff 3:41

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Book of Spiff 8:55

I-85 collapses! To be renamed 

"Falcons Freeway"

"Spiff 8:55"

Book of Spiff 8:18

You're retired and in a public restroom
where a sign reads, 
"Wash hands before returning to work!"

 What do you do?

"Spiff 8:18"

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Book of Spiff 5:57

Have you noticed that companies have made it easier for you to pay your bill and harder to for you to contact customer service?

"Spiff 5:57"

Book of Spiff 10:17

Television Network Newscast: 
50% Bad News 
5% Good News
45% Opinionated News
100% Worthless

"Spiff 10:17"

National Vietnam War Veterans Day

Monday, March 27, 2017

The Politician's Heart

Once upon a time a doctor tells his patient, “I’ve got bad news and good news for you.”
“Give me the bad news first,” the patient says.
“You need a heart transplant immediately,” replies the doc.
“What’s the good news?” the patient asks.
The doctor says, “I’ve got two potential donors. One was a 23-year-old vegetarian who won a gold medal in the Olympic marathon. He was run over by a truck while training. The other was a 53-year-old lifelong politician who weighed 230 pounds, smoked four packs of cigarettes and ate a two-pound steak with buttered potatoes every day for 30 years. He was shot by an irate constituent."
“I’ll take the politician's heart,” the patient says.
“Why would you want to do such a thing?” asked the doctor.
The patient replies …

“I want a heart that hasn’t been used.”

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

CumuLOST Media

Sometimes you play little mind games to kill some time. For example, I follow the stock market and noticed that Cumulus Media (the company that changed 106.7 from Atlanta's Greatest Hits to All News, and fired Randy and me) had a closing stock price of 41 cents a share today. I did a little research and some top notch ciphering (after removing my shoes so that I use both my fingers and toes when counting) and came up with this: If you would had invested $10,000 in Cumulus Media on the day they fired us back in late 2011 ... today that stock would be worth ... wait for it ...

$183.04. (That includes a 8-1 reverse stock split)

During that time the DJIA has gone up over 81%. In other words, you would have over $18,000 if you had invested that ten grand in a stock index fund back in late 2011.

Now, I'm not saying the Cumulus Media stock crashed because they fired Randy & Spiff. I imagine the stock price today would be worth even less if they kept us because I would have demanded an incredible salary to stay with such a mismanaged company. Anyway ... I've killed some time and feel happy that I did not invest in Cumulus Media.

Chuckie ... Chuckie ... Chuckie!

Saturday, March 18, 2017

RIP Chuck Berry

RIP Chuck Berry. I will always remember that night in the Georgia Dome (Fox 97 Ultimate Oldies Concert) when you handed me your Guitar cable, looked at me, smiled and said ... "Plug it in!" I popped it into the amp, and then Randy and I introduced you to the crowd and you "duck walked" across the stage like a twenty year old kid! Great music ... great memories. Thanks.

Just let me hear some of that Rock And Roll Music,
Any old way you choose it;
It's got a back beat, you can't lose it,
Any old time you use it.
It's gotta be Rock And Roll Music,
If you want to dance with me,
If you want to dance with me.

If you closely at tonight's sunset ... you may be able to see Chuck streaking towards Heaven in the lower portion of the photo. (Or ... it's a plane.)

Friday, March 10, 2017

Insert Twilight Zone music here

I am not a huge believer in the paranormal … but, this morning something interesting happened. Today would have been my late wife Duffy’s birthday. As I was getting something from the bottom cabinet of my office bookshelf, I heard something move and out of the corner of my eye saw an item falling off the top shelf. Luckily, I was able to grab the falling object before it hit the floor. That object just happened to be a small chalkboard in which Duffy (well over 24 years ago) had chalked a hand written message. It once hung by the back door to our home. That little chalkboard had been on that shelf for years and years. Why, today on what would have been Duffy’s birthday, it decided to fall … I have no idea. Moments before I was telling Janet how much I loved her, so perhaps Duffy was just showing me that she was happy with how my life after her turned out.

Or, I just closed the cabinet door too hard and it jarred the chalkboard off the shelf. I think I’ll go with the paranormal explanation. (Insert Twilight Zone theme music in your head now.)